My boyfriend told me I should see his therapist. But instead I’ll write this anonymous post. I do think getting it off my chest is important, at least intellectually. I haven’t felt anything, any joy I should say, in quite some time. It’s starting to affect my relationship and it’s just so hard to see happening in real time. I feel like I live two lives at once; the physical body who is numb and the mental (perhaps spiritual) body that sees how I’m doing everything wrong. It’s become difficult to compliment my boyfriend, to encourage him, even sometimes just being nice to him. It feels like I’m forcing myself to say “I love you” but even then it comes out monotonous. I feel so bad about it because he tries so hard, he’s so sweet. But I feel like I’m not the person he should be with. I’m just a liar, talentless, unempathetic, narcissistic asshole that should be left alone. I’m sorry.
you are feeling the country around you at the current time its not pleasant I have the same feelings as you only I scream alone Wanting to shake people into reality as to what's happening
First off.... you do not sound like your statement....."I’m just a liar, talentless, un-empathetic, narcissistic asshole that should be left alone".....I think that you are a good human being and a caring person, or you wouldn't be reaching out. I have gone to a therapist for years after retiring from the military, and finding this non-judgmental anonymous site to share my issues, and know that I'm not alone has helped my mental health and outlook. Its always nice to get things off your chest that are bothering you. I think that you are very empathetic, because you are voicing your concerns about others. Just give yourself some grace, and life will get better.
Well, just because he is objectively nice and sweet doesn’t mean he is “the one” for you. If you don’t find his company stimulating to you, at least mentally if not also physically, then you may need to move on. Not only for your own sake, but in fairness to him.